Saturday, February 17, 2007

"He's here but not here, he's gone but not gone."

Superman, age 4.

Em and I watched the movie Ladder 49 last night. I went into it not really even knowing what it's about, I didn't even think it would be a sad one! Little to my knowledge, I was needing a good cry anyway ;) By the end of the movie, I was of course sobbing ... I even made it to that uncontrollable point where everything starts to make me cry, even when Em is tickling me or doing something funny.

Words really can't describe how much my heart hurts when I look at this picture of Liam. It's like, I can close my eyes and see myself in that room with him that night, taking that picture. The picture was taken the same night that the little movie was taken, in my last post. They are precious little things.. materialistic, yes, but they are some of the only things left that I have to remember Liam by. Does everyone feel like when they lose someone? Liam's dinosaurs that I have - there are two of them. His green squishy dino was his favorite, and his mom had to get rid of it because of the material it was made of - it was too easy to hold germs. So she gave it to me and asked me to keep it until Liam was in remission. Sadness sets into my body when I remember that story... Liam never reached remission. The other dino that I have is the one that was set up with all of the other dinosaurs under Liam's casket at his viewing. We were each allowed to take one. I'll never forget that image...Liam's casket with his beautiful, tiny, 5 year old body filling it, and all of his dinosaurs having a "meeting" underneath of him. Liam left us in true Liam fashion - right during a dinosaur meeting.

There is a little girl who Em and I discovered through caringbridge (a website that provides families w/ a webpage for their child, to keep family and friends updated). Her name is Katherine, and she lives in Greensboro ... she's four. She has been fighting Neuroblastoma for a little over a year. I e-mailed her mom and told her that I'd love to help her with anything she needs, she has three other kids (ages 10, 3, and 1) and she really has her hands full trying to cure one child of cancer and raise three others. She emailed me back and was really excited to hear from me, she wants to meet me and she said Katherine would love to meet me... I'm excited to have another little kid to love, but I'm so scared. When her mom emailed me back it just felt so scary, I almost don't want to meet the little girl, I'm scared I'll get attached...

Enough for tonight.
Love everywhere,

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