Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Carry On...

I want to share something that I found a few months ago that made my heart race. As some of you may remember, a girl who I knew when I was younger was murdered last June. I thought of her today, and Googled her name to see if I could find more information about the court case that is currently proceeding (they caught the man who killed her just days after the murder). J.G. was a selfless, kind, intelligent, and faithful girl. She was home alone when this monster came into her home, brutally murdered her, and left with her car. I didn't find any new news articles or information about the court case, but what I did find stunned me.

Julie had an online journal all through high school. It was well hidden, except I think she didn't realize that she posted her full name once in one of the entries. This led me (and probably countless others) to find it.

Her words literally left me breathless.

This is one of her entries from 2004, the year she graduated from high school. I bolded the paragraph that brings so many tears to my eyes, every single time I read it. How can someone with so much love in their heart be put through something so incredibly horrendous? It. breaks. my. heart. ...

Life happens- like it or not. And sometimes it's hard to admit who you really are. Some people never do. I guess some people just don't want to, but I guess if you don't know who you are, it would be hard to admit to anything.

Travel through life where you will- meet people, love people, lose people, travel through life. I hope that in all things you do, one day you are able to find who you are and admit it, even more importantly, i hope you are able to find God. But maybe you don't believe in God... after all, all I can offer you is words and maybe that won't lead you to a relationship with God. But I pray, that if you are reading this now, you find something to believe in.

I have this faith that all things work out in time. Friendships mend, hate dissolves, people mature and one day you might look back and never believe that there was a time in your life when you weren't friends with someone or when you hated someone or you thought someone was immature. However, some friendships don't succeed, some hate remains, truly some people never mature. And well, those people aren't worth it.

One thing that makes me sad is when I realize how much unhappiness and hatefulness and meanness exist. It makes me sad even when it doesn't involve me. It makes me so mad because I have seen the opposite- love. I've realized that love is so powerful. And if you are still reading this... I mean, for some reason if you haven't fallen asleep or X-ed this little box out yet, there is a reason- there is something I want you to know. I am going to love. I am not going to stop loving. You can be mean to me, you can hurt me on purpose or maybe it's not your fault, maybe circumstances got in the way or maybe you are mean to people that I love, you can keep doing it. I am going to love you anyway. The best part is... this is not an attack, this is a proclaimation of love. I will love even if it hurts. I have a faith that in the end, this love will be returned to me and to all people who love with all of their hearts.

Sadly, some people never will.

I have a faith that I see in you. I see it in you even when I don't see you. And maybe that's hard for you to understand- maybe that scares you. It should. But as for me, I'm in love and I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm in love with my friends and I'm in love with life and I'm in love with my cheesy style of writing and I'm in love with good movies and music and art and if you're reading this still, I'm in love with you- no matter who you are. I have love in my heart for you. This weekend has made me realize to keep loving and keep having faith, and if I do God will provide for my every need. He knows my path, and I trust His judgement. I have faith He will lead me to you.

with love,

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Pepper in some fun and support a worthy cause!

Check out the UNCG Women's Rugby blog... I wanted to update about tonight, but after updating the Rugby blog, I figured it was pretty much all the same words. :)

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Photo Post.

1. I love elephants
2. Me, Haley, and Kim with the Chancellor!!
3. Kim Haley and me at the men's game Friday night. We had way too much fun!
4. The Chancellor puts on a jersey after every Alumni match and gets in the group photos. I love that she does that! She's so cool!
5. Me and my little, Caroline.

Alumni Weekend was great - too much to actually type out. I felt like I was going, going, going for about 48 hours straight. Today I'm relaxing and catching up on the mountain of homework that I need to do for this week. Plus, I still haven't been able to watch Grey's Anatomy from last week... it's waiting for me on my DVR list...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


#70: Say Goodbye.
  • Goodbye insecurities.
  • Goodbye being lazy when I know I have things I need to do.
  • Goodbye dwelling on the past.
  • Goodbye summer.
  • Goodbye blaming myself.
  • Goodbye making others happy before I make myself happy.
  • Goodbye friends who don't appreciate me for who I am.
  • Goodbye anxiety
  • Goodbye Tivas, sorry I ruined your soles by wearing you so much!
  • Goodbye invisible walls I've built to protect myself.
  • therefore, Goodbye security.
  • Goodbye having my cell phone attached to my hand at all times.
  • Goodbye holding back because I'm scared to fail.
  • Goodbye to all of my belongings that I don't want to hang on to, but feel the need to because the material things make me feel closer to the people I love who are not physically close to me.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


"In our country, true teams rarely exist . . . social barriers and personal ambitions have reduced athletes to dissolute cliques or individuals thrown together for mutual profit . . . Yet these rugby players, with their muddied, cracked bodies, are struggling to hold onto a sense of humanity that we in America have lost and are unlikely to regain. The game may only be to move a ball forward on a dirt field, but the task can be accomplished with an unshackled joy and its memories will be a permanent delight. The women and men who play on that rugby field are more alive than too many of us will ever be. The foolish emptiness we think we perceive in their existence is only our own." ~Victor Cahn

Monday, September 21, 2009

New Look

I toyed around a little with the layout of the blog... Honestly, my eyes were starting to feel a little strained from reading the white font on a black background. This feels a little cheerier, as well.

I'm going to work on the image at the top as well... I really, really need Photoshop back. Christmas, anyone?

I wish I knew more about html coding and website designing...these blogger templates just don't really cut it anymore.

Stick around, more changes (not huge ones, though) to come...

Question of the day: If you were given the opportunity to be born again in any other country in the world, which would you choose and why?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

You can call us women who like it rough

Kelsey, Kristen, Hannah, Caroline ... Family :)

Our first game of the season went great!! We beat 19-0. We scored 3 tries and made two of our conversion kicks (5x3 + 2x2). Our outside center scored twice, and I scored once off a 5 meter scrum. It was actually a great play - we were at the 50 (center of the field) and the ball popped out of a ruck. I kicked it all the way down the field and their full back was chasing it and went to pick it up (basically in their try zone) and dropped it forward. That's a knock-on, so we got the ball. We won the scrum and my 8 man (who is my co-captain, Haley) picked the ball and went weak. I followed and she got tackled, went down and I picked up the ball, stiff armed through one girl and scored.

Before the game, we had a team meeting and the rookies were "inducted" into the club. Basically, all of the veteran players get a "little sister" who they watch out for, make sure they're okay and understanding everything, and really just make them feel a part of our team and our family. We make wooden letters for them (yeah, sorority sounding, I know..) and it's a big deal. The photo I posted is of my little sister from last semester (who's name ironically, is Kelsey), me, and the two new littles I gained this semester - Hannah and Caroline. They're great rookies and they both played extremely hard yesterday. I'm proud of them!!

Last night was fun, after the game both teams got together and Guilford hosted a pretty sweet social. Kelly and I got "Man of the Match" and that made me happy because I worked my butt off on the field, and my position, scrumhalf, isn't exactly a glory position. Then we got hungry so we went back to our rugby house, ordered pizza and had a blast there for a few hours. It felt so good to climb into bed last night.

I'm so proud of my team!! We played our hearts out and our rookies are learning quick. I have a feeling this is going to be a great semester!

Saturday, September 19, 2009


Today is the first game of the season. We're playing at 3 on their pitch. We are bringing an entire backup side - we haven't had this many girls since I was a rookie back in 2005! Last night the team got together at my apartment to watch the Penn State/Stanford Women's Championship game from last June. It was a great game, and Penn State kicked Stanford's butt. I think (hope) the rookies got a lot out of actually getting to watch a game. I remember the first time I watched a game (before I played in one) and everything made so much more sense.

I have a really good feeling about today, and I am really looking forward to playing with all of the new girls and having a great time afterwards!

(CT...never forgotten.)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


I'm too busy for real words, but this pretty much sums up the last week or so.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

September Playlist

My life has been revolving around good music lately. I carry my iPod everywhere I go, and listen to good tunes in the car or while walking to class. I listen to them on my computer when I'm cleaning my room or doing homework. I'm pretty much listening to music all the time. So, I though I'd share my "September" playlist. I can't guarantee you'll love any of these songs, but I do! Lucky for me, I have awesome friends and before school started I got 2 mixes, both of which I can't stop listening to. Some of those songs are on my list.

1. Hello, I'm in Delaware (City and Colour)
2. If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out (Cat Stevens)
3. Scar (Missy Higgins)
4. Why I Am (Dave Matthews Band)
5. Instant Pleasure (Rufus Wainwright)
6. The Story (Brandi Carlile)
7. A Change is Gonna Come (Ben Sollee)
8. The Boxer (Simon & Garfunkel)
9. Jesus, etc. (Wilco)
10. Emaline (Ben Folds)
11. Galway Girl (Mundy & Sharon Shannon)
12. Everybody Knows (John Legend)
13. Ingrid Bergman (Billy Bragg & Wilco)
14. Homebird (Foy Vance)

And, of course, my old pal Julia Nunes. I love this song and this version!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Weekend Review

This weekend, I felt like a freshman in college again. On Friday Kim and I went to get lunch together and ended up grabbing a case of beer on the way home and playing the Wii for the afternoon. On Friday night, one of my teammates, Melissa, was celebrating her birthday, so we went to the party. It was funny to be some of the oldest people there, but it was a great time and we all had fun. The night actually ended pretty badly, but I won't get into that here. I need to remember to start paying attention to all of the people I am responsible for. One of my friends made a bad decision and while it was her responsibility that night, I still feel somewhat to blame for not realizing.

Yesterday was a really fun day. I started out the day getting my car from the night before and taking Em to pick up her newly checked out XTerra. Then, Suzi Kim and I went and got lunch and went to the men's game - there are 3 rugby teams in Greensboro. The 2 teams at UNCG (Men and Women) and then the Club team in Greensboro that a lot of the men play on once they graduate from college. That team, Triad, had their first game yesterday and Suzi's husband Elliott plays for them. It was a very close game, but they lost by one point. Afterwards we went to bar that sponsors their rugby club for a social and enjoyed singing, drinks and some cornhole. (If you don't know what cornhole is, you should check it out. It's the best bar/tailgating game in the entire world!)

We left the bar around 7 and went to another party until around midnight, then back to the bar... I know, I know... how did I stay awake for all of this!? I have no clue, but we were having a great time and we took a cab home.

Today, I'm definitely feeling it... Kim and I are sitting in our dark living room watching the Eagles/Panthers football game. I have some reading to do, a stat quiz I need to take online, and my first stat exam is Tuesday so I'm going to start studying. I also need to finish cleaning my room- it's a wreck!

Thursday, September 10, 2009


On Sunday, right before I boarded my flight back to NC, my friend Sara texted me and asked if she could interview me for a class. She had to interview "someone who has stories to tell". I didn't quite know how to interpret that! I was curious as to what kinds of stories she wanted to hear. I told her I'd do it, and we set up a time to meet. The next day she told me she was thinking it would be great if I could talk about Liam. Sara was my roommate freshman year, so she heard all about Liam, followed his website for news, and was with me on November 19th when my mom called... So for this project she had to record someone talking for 20-30 minutes, telling one story. I went home and made a timeline of Liam's dx, treatment, relapse, relapse therapies, etc. I also related that back to myself and added into the timeline when I went to college, when I did fundraisers, etc.

The interview itself was interesting - Sara brought her laptop and we sat in a study room at the library. She looked away from me and took notes, so that I wouldn't get nervous. I stared at my knees and just started talking, sometimes referring to my notes. I talked for around 25 minutes. As I was talking, I started remembering little things that have been tucked in the back of my mind about my times with Liam. I laughed as I talked about some of the funny things he used to do, and held back tears when I spoke about the harder parts.

It was pretty cool, and I was honored that Sara wanted to interview me about Liam. The finished product should be interesting - I might be able to find a way to share it here. It makes me so happy when my friends remember/mention Liam.

I said, "Liam make a T-Rex Face!"

Monday, September 7, 2009


Meghan and Ray's wedding was stunning. There are so many moments that I just want to freeze in my memory, so that I never forget them. My face hurts from smiling so hard all weekend long. Meg looked absolutely gorgeous, and I know that a lot of brides look very pretty, but to me, she looked beyond pretty. Her dress was perfect, her hair was beautiful. I never, ever want to forget the moment that she opened the bathroom door in that bedroom and came out- everyone was speechless for a moment, and then it was "Oh you look so beautiful!" and "Meg, its perfect!" ... but I couldn't even say a word. It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I was so incredibly "stunned-happy" in that moment, because I could tell Meghan felt excited and happy.

The wedding itself is something I feel that I can't even describe fully. There is no way to put into words how incredible the entire event was. The ceremony was perfect and the reception was a blast - great band, lots and LOTS of dancing, watching a gorgeous sunset, seeing lots of people I know, spending time with my family, watching Meghan dance with Ray... Both the ceremony and reception were outside, on a property right on the river in Chestertown. It was so classy and beautiful, and the sunset made for a gorgeous backdrop all during the ceremony and the beginning of the reception.

I read a poem during the ceremony. I read "I Carry Your Heart With Me" by e.e. cummings.

The only thing I could have wished for that night was that Meghan's dad could have been there. At
one point, a good friend of Scott's had just twirled Meghan around on the dance floor, and she was laughing and smiling... afterwards, he was talking with my mom and I. He said, "I just wish Scott could have been here to be a part of this." My mom said, "Well, he would have danced with Meghan exactly like you did!" And he said, "He was dancing with her, you just couldn't see him..." I teared up, got a knot in my throat and had to walk away to collect myself.

Kelsey and I after the ceremony

I love this! Me, my mom, and Kels.

Me and my cousin, Coulby... she was one of the flower girls.

Coolest cupcakes I have EVER SEEN! Those crabs were amazing!

Most of my family :)

I made a point to put down my camera a lot during the day of the wedding - I find myself behind the shutter so much sometimes that I miss what's happening in real life. I don't want to see everything happen behind a lens... and I'm starting to learn that. There was a photographer there, and I trust that she got some great shots. I'm just so glad I wasn't stressing about getting the best angles and lighting and all that... it was so nice to relax and watch everything unfold so perfectly.

It was a fabulous weekend, and I am so happy for Meghan and Ray!!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Whatever a sun will always sing is you

Today I'm flying back home for my cousin Meghan's wedding this weekend. I am so, so, SOO excited for this! I had to get my dress altered, and I picked it up this morning and tried it on - it looks great. Kim lent me a dress for the rehearsal/dinner and shoes...she's awesome. I'm reading a poem during the ceremony - it's a poem that I loooove by e.e. cummings.

I can't believe Meghan is actually getting married... it's something we've talked about for so many years - our weddings - and I just can't believe hers is actually happening. I am so, so happy for her and her fiance, Ray. They're going to have an amazing life together.

Okay, I have homework in all 4 of my classes that I have to do before I leave, plus I need to finish packing. I need to finish this all so I have some time to chill out before I drive to the airport because I get so anxious to fly, especially when I'm flying home for something exciting :)

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Take Action!

September is Pediatric Cancer Awareness Month!!

Here are some cool ways to support:

Wear a gold ribbon!!

Participate in the 2009 Parkway Run/Walk at CHOP. If you can't participate, you can donate to Team Liam . The Kanes will be heading Team Liam again this year and I would do anything to be there!! CHOP provided Liam with some great opportunities and therapies for fighting Neuroblastoma, and they need help to find a cure!

This Thursday, September 3rd, is Andrew McDonough B+ Day on Concord Pike (202) in Wilmington!! If you print out this paper and bring it to any of the retailers/restaurants listed, they will donate a portion of their proceeds to the Andrew McDonough B+ Foundation.

Order an Erin's Dream Lanyard. Your donation will benefit the Children's Neuroblastoma Cancer Foundation, and receiving one of those lanyards in the mail is just about the most exciting thing that's happened to me all year! They make great gifts, too! Or even better yet - consider having a lanyard workshop! It's easy (I know, I know... I made it sound stressful, but that was with 130 teenagers!) Yours can be a group of friends, teammates, sorority sisters (hint, hint!) etc. Contact Vickie (Erin's Mom) if you are considering having a workshop to create lanyards!

There are countless ways to show your support - I could list 20 amazing Pediatric Cancer causes, but no matter what you do - from wearing a ribbon to donating money to sending words of encouragement to a family who has a child with cancer - be proactive, know that you CAN make a difference even when it seems daunting, and choose a verb - my verb for the month is TAKE ACTION!

"We don't have to wait for destiny, we should be the change that we want to see."