Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Carry On...

I want to share something that I found a few months ago that made my heart race. As some of you may remember, a girl who I knew when I was younger was murdered last June. I thought of her today, and Googled her name to see if I could find more information about the court case that is currently proceeding (they caught the man who killed her just days after the murder). J.G. was a selfless, kind, intelligent, and faithful girl. She was home alone when this monster came into her home, brutally murdered her, and left with her car. I didn't find any new news articles or information about the court case, but what I did find stunned me.

Julie had an online journal all through high school. It was well hidden, except I think she didn't realize that she posted her full name once in one of the entries. This led me (and probably countless others) to find it.

Her words literally left me breathless.

This is one of her entries from 2004, the year she graduated from high school. I bolded the paragraph that brings so many tears to my eyes, every single time I read it. How can someone with so much love in their heart be put through something so incredibly horrendous? It. breaks. my. heart. ...

Life happens- like it or not. And sometimes it's hard to admit who you really are. Some people never do. I guess some people just don't want to, but I guess if you don't know who you are, it would be hard to admit to anything.

Travel through life where you will- meet people, love people, lose people, travel through life. I hope that in all things you do, one day you are able to find who you are and admit it, even more importantly, i hope you are able to find God. But maybe you don't believe in God... after all, all I can offer you is words and maybe that won't lead you to a relationship with God. But I pray, that if you are reading this now, you find something to believe in.

I have this faith that all things work out in time. Friendships mend, hate dissolves, people mature and one day you might look back and never believe that there was a time in your life when you weren't friends with someone or when you hated someone or you thought someone was immature. However, some friendships don't succeed, some hate remains, truly some people never mature. And well, those people aren't worth it.

One thing that makes me sad is when I realize how much unhappiness and hatefulness and meanness exist. It makes me sad even when it doesn't involve me. It makes me so mad because I have seen the opposite- love. I've realized that love is so powerful. And if you are still reading this... I mean, for some reason if you haven't fallen asleep or X-ed this little box out yet, there is a reason- there is something I want you to know. I am going to love. I am not going to stop loving. You can be mean to me, you can hurt me on purpose or maybe it's not your fault, maybe circumstances got in the way or maybe you are mean to people that I love, you can keep doing it. I am going to love you anyway. The best part is... this is not an attack, this is a proclaimation of love. I will love even if it hurts. I have a faith that in the end, this love will be returned to me and to all people who love with all of their hearts.

Sadly, some people never will.

I have a faith that I see in you. I see it in you even when I don't see you. And maybe that's hard for you to understand- maybe that scares you. It should. But as for me, I'm in love and I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm in love with my friends and I'm in love with life and I'm in love with my cheesy style of writing and I'm in love with good movies and music and art and if you're reading this still, I'm in love with you- no matter who you are. I have love in my heart for you. This weekend has made me realize to keep loving and keep having faith, and if I do God will provide for my every need. He knows my path, and I trust His judgement. I have faith He will lead me to you.

with love,

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