Take Me Back...

If you remember, last year for Spring Break, Em and I went to Florida... we drove to Stuart and stayed with Aunt Ginny and Uncle Mike, then we drove to Miami and stayed a few nights, and visited my Uncle Dan & Uncle Howard (yes, whatever you're thinking is right!) in Ft. Lauderdale and visited Uncle Howard's gay cowboy bar (!!!!)  We spent time splashing in the ocean, we visited this cool butterfly farm, and we traipsed around Stuart, spending most of our days playing diving games in Em's Aunt & Uncle's awesome screened in pool and going to the Dunkin' Donuts that was surrounded by palm trees!!

I wish we could do the same thing this year for spring break... I am so stressed right now, and so overwhelmed by everything in life.  Right now my ideal spring break would be spent somewhere very warm, curled up in a ball on a blanket, just basking in the sun.  That is all I want.  Just get me out of North Carolina for 5 days, plop me somewhere that is warm where I can splash around in the ocean every couple of hours.

Please?

Three Things

1. Last night the weirdest thing happened.  Em was in the tub and I was doing a puzzle on the floor (our bathroom is the cleanest and brightest place in the house right now).  I was bent over the puzzle for about 45 minutes, and I stood up to get something from the bedroom.  I stood up, immediately felt REALLY hot and dizzy, and then I felt myself falling, all I saw was bright light, and I knew I was fainting.  Luckily, since I felt myself going down, I was able to half catch myself and landed on the basket that holds our towels.  I opened my eyes to Em repeating my name and patting my cheeks and to water dripping all over me.  Apparently I was only out for like 30 seconds, and I felt much better after Em forced me to drink a whole glass of water and eat some frosted mini-wheats.

2. Last night we went to Target- we both had gift cards from Christmas.  We thought about combining them to buy a sewing machine (they have a really nice Singer that's not too expensive) but we wanted to look into them a little more before we buy one.  So instead we bought things we didn't necessarily need, just things we wanted.  While wandering the book aisles, I  I found The Giver by Lois Lowry for $8.01 ... I read the book when I was in 8th grade at Hanby in Ms. Geesaman's language arts class.  I remember it so well, because the book was so strange to me.  I had enjoyed reading it, but it seemed weird and unrealistic.  While standing in Target last night, I read the back of it and decided to buy it.  Last night I stayed up until 2:30 reading it!!  I couldn't put it down.  It's so different to read it as an adult..I understand so much more and interpret it completely differently.  I would recommend the book to anyone of any age, and I'm glad that I own it now :-)

3. Em and I didn't really have any definitive plans for Spring Break because we're going to Arizona in April and really wanted to save our money for that trip (and for when we go to California in May/June).  Em's dad is going to Utah with her brother, so I think we're going to do something fun with her mom.  Maybe go to Florida and visit Em's aunt and uncle (we stopped there last year on our FL tour), or maybe do something fun like get a cabin in the woods.  Who knows.. details to come..  Spring Break is only 9 days away!

Frustrations

I like to think of myself as a person that anyone (even someone who doesn't know me very well) could call at anytime, and I'll be there to help you.  If you need a ride somewhere, give me a call.  If you have a problem that you need to talk out, if you need to borrow some money (I'm pretty broke but I do what I can), if you need an opinion about something, just let me know.  Seriously, if you need anything, you can pretty much count on me.  I have even done really gross things to help my friends or help preserve their dignity -- INCLUDING wiping butts, cleaning up vomit on the floor - on the toilet- on your shirt- dribbling down your face, holding hair back during vomiting, assuring that you don't need to go to the hospital to get your stomach pumped, because if you are TELLING me that you are so drunk that you need your stomach pumped, then you definitely do NOT need your stomach pumped.  I have looked at "that funny mark" on your butt cheek (TMI, I know, but seriously I did it) and I have scrubbed the feces off the wall that was smeared there when you passed out on the toilet and hit the wall and slid down (?? I was just as confused as all of you.)  

SO.  Usually, you can count on me for anything.  All that I ask is that you return the favor if I need a small favor or even if I just need a friend at some point.  Almost all of my friends are wonderful, and are just as helpful, caring, and uninhibited when it comes to lending me a helping hand.  However, I have one friend who must think that the earth revolves around her, every single person she knows should be there to drop everything and help her when she requests it, and even when a friend does help her, she is unappreciative and tends to complain that you are "doing it wrong" or "you could have done this better", etc. etc.  It really hurts my feelings, but I sort of HAVE to be friends with this person.  I can't really explain why on here because my readership has grown to include many people that know this person, and I don't want to get myself in trouble.

I'm not one to complain, but this just frustrates me, and honestly, it really hurts my feelings when I will lay anything out on the line for you and help you and assure you, however when I need one small favor you can't even follow through on it, or not even a favor.. just, if you screw something up that belongs to me, you don't even offer to help fix it or even just help the situation.  

Sigh.  I guess that's enough ranting for today.  Sorry for the ranting post, sometimes I just need to get it out of me.  Hopefully things will improve soon.  If not, I'm going to have to seriously rethink future plans...

Post # 135

I have been absolutely exhausted all day long.  We went to bed at a reasonable hour last night, and I woke up at 8:30 - I got 9 hours of sleep... plenty for me.  But still, I am just wrecked.  I got home from class at 11am and curled up in bed just to relax and ended up sleeping until about 1pm.  Em ran me a bath and I got in and was in and out of sleep for about half an hour.  I woke up to get dressed and go bowling with Kim and the boys she babysits for (who I love), then I came back and had dinner with Em, went upstairs to play my DS for a little, and slept from 7:30 until 10.

I think my body is yelling at me for this week.  Two exams and one ten page paper, plus some pretty emotionally draining topics that we're talking about in one of my classes.  I think it just all caught up with me.

I had another really disturbing dream.  This one was more real, and more possible (although HIGHLY unlikely).  I was house sitting for Em's family, but it wasn't in their house.  I got home from being somewhere and felt uneasy in the house.  I called everyone who I could - my cousin Meghan, Jay (Em's brother, who apparently wasn't on the trip, and unable to house sit his own house), Maria, Lindsey & Megan... I tried everyone who's numbers I had but no one answered.  I eventually told myself to stop being a baby, and I went upstairs (after closing all the blinds/locking the doors).  When I got up there, I heard this funny sound downstairs.  It was someone using the ice maker on the fridge.  I freaked out and tried to back down the hallway, but all of the sudden they noticed me.  It was a man, he had red hair and a machine gun.  He yelled at me, asked me questions I couldn't answer, and hit me with his gun.  I called 911 and they LAUGHED at me.  I told them the address (which was actually the address of our house in NC) and the guy was joking with me.  He didn't believe me.  

Then I woke up, ran downstairs, and hugged Em for about 10 minutes.  I hate bad dreams.

On a completely different note - Em made a GREAT update on her blog that I think you should all read!!  Feel free to leave her a comment, I'm interested in what you have to say as well... here is the link: Dream Big

Scary.

Wow.

That is all.

Barack, Paper, Scissors...

Barack Obama won Wisconsin tonight.  Washington and Hawaii polls will be in by the morning.

The other day I was clicked the "Next Blog" button at the top of my blog.  When you click it, Blogger takes you to a completely random blog.  It's kind of cool when you're bored.  It took me to this woman who lives in Washington State (actually, in a town that Em has been to and knows someone from - weird)  Anyways, so this woman was talking about Barack and just RANTING about how we need someone who is more than just a charismatic speaker and that no one can actually list Barack's accomplishments (implying that he has none).  

As most of you know, I would vehemently disagree.  Obama has only ever been a senator, therefore, his accomplishments are really mostly at the state level.  However, those accomplishments can't be dismissed!  And furthermore, this isn't about what Obama or Hillary have done in the PAST, this election is about the FUTURE.  It's about looking at the potential of these candidates, and what they plan on supporting for our country. 

Yes, Obama is charismatic and well spoken.  I can't deny that when I listened to his speech and met him afterwards in Vermont in March of '06, I immediately felt that he HAD to run for president.  He is certainly very captivating and inspiring.  But who's to say that's all he is?  In my opinion, he is much more than someone who is just making us feel good when we listen to him.  He is challenging us to work for positive change and he's promising a better future.  He is more convincing than Hillary, who seems to go against her own opinions often and then claim that everything was a "misunderstanding".  Plus, her tactics tend to be pretty dirty, leaving Obama to defend himself.  And doesn't it make you feel a little strange, the involvement of Bill?  I mean, Michelle Obama has definitely done her share of campaigning, but have we heard of her making untrue accusations of Hillary?  I think not..

 

"I died in Auschwitz, but no one knows it" - Charlotte Delbo

When I was in 5th grade, we began learning about World War II. I'd never really learned about the Holocaust before, and that was the first time I saw pictures and really read about it. I was shocked. It has such a huge effect on my super sensitive self. I cried on and off for days. I couldn't sleep or eat just thinking about it. I felt anger and immense sadness. This was my first real empathic experience. And I will probably never forget it because it affected me so harshly.

Right now in my Gender, Crime, and Deviance class we're reading a book about trauma and the healing process afterwards. It's written by a woman who was attacked and raped in France while she was on vacation. She writes a lot about holocaust survivors and quotes them / borrows their work to help explain her own ideas and concepts. There is a section of her book that talks about how many of the Jews who survived the concentration camps came out and then basically had to remake their "selves" in order to be able to live. They were in such shock and so drained emotionally that they essentially had no emotions left. So they were forced to "remake" themselves. A lot of them adopted new names because this new person who emerged out of the concentration camp was not the same person that had been inhabiting that body before hand. Their former selves had been "annihilated" in the camps, they had been stripped of their clothing, their gender, their control of their appearance. After having your "self" stripped away, how is one suddenly expected to "pick up" where they left off, upon freedom?

Charlotte Delbo writes,
"life was returned to me
and here I am in front of life
as though facing a dress
I cannot wear."

It's a Jewish custom to rename people (even with just a nickname) after they have endured a trauma or had a "near- brush with death". It is very representative of their past. I think it's a cool concept. No matter how much healing that you do after a traumatic event, you are never the same afterwards. Whether you like it or not, you are a new "self".

Pictures of the Animals.

I like this picture.


Okay what is Sydney doing?! This picture is just wrong.


It really doesn't get much cuter than this.


Last night I decided to call my Mommom (my mom's mom) to wish her a Happy Valentine's Day. I was actually planning on calling both sets of grandparents - but I talked to my Mommom B. for so long that it was too late to call my dad's parents! Mommom was so happy to talk to me, she just yabbered away about anything and everything - her dog, Poppop working, a documentary she saw on ASL interpreters, etc. I really didn't mind listening to her while I cleaned up from the wonderful dinner Em made me last night. It was great to talk to her for awhile. The fact that my gparents have 5 children, 8 grand children, and 6 great grandchildren means that we don't all get to have a one-on-one relationship with them, since most of us visited them with our siblings (and a lot of times, with other cousins).

I'm getting really excited for Em and my trip to Arizona. I'm so nervous... I was told by someone that I really shouldn't try to be a part of "that part of Em's life", and I don't want to be a part of Em's life in AZ, because I was never there and I didn't know her then. But I am still happy to see the places she loves, and I know that she's really looking forward to showing me around. I just see it as an adventure!

Finally!

Our backyard this morning!!

What a cool Valentine's Day!!  Em woke up at 6:30 am for her 8 am class, checked the UNCG website and there was a delay- so her 8 am class was canceled.  When I woke up at 9 for my 11 am class, I checked my e-mail and my professor canceled class even though UNCG was open by 11!!  So I don't have class until 4.  Sydney and I have been snuggled up on the couch, watching ER reruns and eating chips and salsa.  My perfect snow day =)

I have this tingle of nervousness running through me.  I don't want to jinx anything, so I won't explain... I'm just almost jittery with anticipation.  I hate that I can be so anxious sometimes.

 

Where in the World...

I met with my study abroad advisor.  I can apply to go anywhere I want!  I thought I would have to go somewhere where classes for my major were offered (which is actually pretty rare..), BUT I can also work on my minor - which is Sociology.  And every single school offers a soc classes.  I could also start another minor if I wanted to just learn something completely different.  (History, Art, anything really..)

Where should I go?  The possibilities are endless (well, actually they aren't ..haha), BUT I think I've narrowed it down to Ireland, New Zealand, South Africa, or maybe Australia (but Australia is the most competitive, so you basically have to have like a 3.8 or higher to get in).  

Any thoughts?  I really have no idea.  If I go to Ireland or somewhere in the UK, Em can probably come visit me at some point.  If I go to somewhere like New Zealand or South Africa, she probably won't be able to afford a ticket to come visit.  But I don't want to base my decision off of that.  But, also if I go somewhere in the UK, I'll be able to visit a lot of other countries, whereas, New Zealand is an island that I probably wouldn't be traveling very far from ;-)