Oh. My. God.

Please watch this video. It made me cry (I'm sensitive anyway) but seriously... it has to be one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Thanks to Kels for showing it to me :-) Make sure you have your sound on!

Rainbows = Calm at the End of the Storm... and LUCK!

I feel much better.  Today was a good day.  I'm sailing through the day.. I worked 11-3, which is the lunch rush, so it's never the BEST shift to work but at least I was able to keep busy and keep my mind off of things.  And since it was my last day, my boss made us all Tequila shots in the dish room!!  ;-)

So, my plan for the rest of the day is to get Rita's with Mike Z. who I haven't seen in YEARS.  And then out to dinner with my dad around 7:30.  Thank god my day will be busy, because I can't handle another day of sitting around moping.  Tomorrow the plan is to do some laundry in the morning, and then I'm heading into Philly with my camera to walk around the city with Lindsey.  Then tomorrow night I am just packing and getting my stuff together for PACAA!!  Wednesday will be a fabulous day that I am looking forward to immensely, and after Weds I will be able to update on what I am doing :)  

My girl Katie Krize is still hanging on.  Her parents and family are doing everything they possibly can to keep her comfortable and pain-free.  It hurts my heart so badly that I'm going to PACAA for a week... I had hoped for so long that I would be in Greensboro during this time, so that I could easily drive down to SC when she makes her journey to heaven.  However, I am happy that soon she will no longer be in any pain.  Please let her family know if you're thinking about her or praying for her.  I'm sure they would appreciate it. www.caringbridge.org/visit/katiekrize

Blah

It's been a long day, and I haven't done a thing.  Last night I was out, and my mom was walking Sydney in the big field near our apartment complex.  At some point, she dropped her glasses and couldn't find them (it was dark out).  So, this morning I went over there with her and we combed the field for what felt like forever, but never came up with her reading glasses.  I told her that this was a sign that she needed to get contacts :-)

My days are slow right now.  There is nothing to do but wait.  That's all I do, is sit around and wait.  Tomorrow I am working my last shift at Salad.works (thank god), so that will be something to do.  But all of my other free time is spent sitting, staring, thinking, crying, peeing (hey, it's true), sleeping, and wishing.  My life has become a big blob of nothing, and I think it intends to stay that way until Wednesday or Thursday.  

I got to talk to Em for awhile on the phone last night.  That was good, but still pretty painful, as I am just so torn up about everything.  I've never hurt like this before.  I just want her to come home.  I am ready for her to come home.

I Believe in the Sand Beneath My Toes...

I have some pictures from the beach, but I have yet to unpack my camera and cords and whatnot, so I stole this one from Kelsey's album that she just created on Face.book.  This was us at dinner at North Beach, which is the restaurant/bar that Maria works at!  We had an awesome meal and were lucky enough to be able to enjoy the beautiful sunset over the bay.   

Being at the beach was wonderful.  I needed a week to relax, and it was so great for my mom to get out of the apartment, after being sick for so long and stuck here.  We stayed in a perfect house, and had lots of fun nights and long days at the beach.  (Note: I am so tan!!  I've never been this tan in my life!  The pictures are proof!)

It was great to be at the beach, but I'm dealing with so many different things right now.  My life seems to be completely shattered for some reason.  I just feel like nothing can go right - which I know happens to everyone, and I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but this blog is my release and my way to record everything and anything that I want to.  (If anything ever happened to this blog, like... if Blogger suddenly accidentally deleted it or something.. I would be completely devastated.  Seriously.)

Anyway.. things are hard at the moment.  Someone who I'm very close to is having some serious health issues and I'm very worried about them.  I'm trying to be optimistic, because we're not sure exactly what's going on, but I'm so incredibly sick with worry, and worried about going back to North Carolina and being far away from my family.  There is also another huge thing going on right now that I've never really dealt with before in my life.  Having relationship issues is something that I've never really had an issue with.  Every relationship I've been in before Em was very light and ended by me every single time.  (Mostly because I never really wanted to get that serious).  So, Em is the longest, most serious relationship that I've ever been in.  We've been together for 1 year, 9 months, and 16 days.  I love her more than I've ever loved anyone in my whole life, and it's so painful to be having issues.  I'm praying and hoping so hard that once we are together again after she gets back from camp that we will be able to work things out.  I do have faith that we can be respectful of each other and figure this out as adults.  I love her more than anything in this world...

Crushed.

We're having a great time at the beach... the weather is gorgeous and I've gotten to hang out with Maria a few times.  We get to sleep in and head to the beach everyday... 

Today Kels and I found a little coffee shop that has free WiFi, so we stopped in to check our email.  The next thing I did was go in and check on a favorite girl of mine, Katie Krize.  I found out that she's being sent home on hospice.  

I feel like someone punched me in the gut.  I just want to curl up under my blankets and cry my eyes out.  

IT'S NOT FAIR AT ALL... Katie is only 14 years old.  She's been fighting NB for so many years now, and so many times she has been able to fight back just enough to beat the cancer back.  But now, it's spread to her brain and she is in too much pain.  I am so, so sad.  

Please sent her family your good wishes and prayers.  Here is her website

:'(

What a Great Night!!

Photo: Gill, Matty, Kelsey, Me, Sean .. on the lawn!

The concert was AWESOME!!  We got there pretty early with plenty of time to tailgate and hang out.  We met up with Dylan, a friend from leaders who was there with his girlfriend.  After tailgating we went inside and Brett Dennen was playing!!  It was so amazing to see him live!  He played 6 songs, 3 of them were ones that I loove (Ain't No Reason, She's Mine, and Blessed)  You should all check out those songs, they are amazing and meaningful and the last two are very "happy" songs :)

After Brett, Colbie Calliat played, who I didn't really know that well except for those two songs that got totally overplayed on the radio this spring.  However, she did cover "Want You Back" by the Jackson 5 and everyone went crazy and danced, because that's a great song!  

John Mayer was exceptional.  And that is A LOT for me to say, because I had very low expectations of him.  A few years ago in high school, I saw him with the Counting Crows.  At that concert, CC were beyond amazing, they really had so much energy and were so happy to be there.  And then John Mayer came out and ruined the mood by playing some random stuff and really slow songs.  At that time (Maybe around 2002-03) he wasn't that big, and he really should have come out with the big guns, playing the songs everyone knew so that people weren't so bored.  

However, this time he was great!!  He played song after song that everyone knew and even a few great covers!  (a Hendrix song, plus Free-Fallin by Tom Petty).  

Something else ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC happened, but it will have to wait until I get the picture from Gill so that I can post about it with a picture (for proof!  haha)

All in all, it was a great night!!

Just Like the Moon, You Light Up the Night...

Tonight I'm going to see John Mayer, Colbie Calliat, and BRETT DENNEN!  They're playing at the Susquehanna Bank Center (formerly the Tweeter Center).  I'm so excited!  We got the tickets pretty last minute, but we got them for the lawn.  I've been wanting to see Brett Dennen for awhile, as he is my new favorite, and when I checked his tour dates on Monday, he just HAPPENED to be coming to Philly (Camden) in four days!!  

Plus, we got this cool deal where if you buy 4 lawn seats, you get like $10 off each ticket.  So me, Kelsey, Kels's friend Sean and Gill and her boyfriend Matty are going.  It should be awesome, as we're going early to tailgate (and hopefully it won't be as stressful as the Dave concert!!)

Rant.

Recently, a very good friend of mine and I had a discussion about whether or not having two Lesbian  mothers raise a child or children could be hazardous and detrimental or whether it would not really make that much of a difference.  I'm sure you can guess which side of the argument I was defending.  I try my best to remove my personal judgements and feelings from such issues, so when I'm talking to someone who I really care about, I always just give them the benefit of the doubt.  ("They just haven't been very well educated on matters like this" or.. "They just need to spend more time around families with gay parents so that they can see for themselves")  However, this conversation really hurt my feelings, and bothered me for weeks afterwards.  It's been months since this person told me that they just couldn't see how a little boy could go without having a father in his life, without turning out gay.  (Um..hello?!  Ever heard of a single mother!?)  Then this person continued on to say that two women bringing a child into this world were being "unfair".  "Why?"  I asked incredulously.  "Because that child will be picked on until they're old enough to understand".  

I can't remember exactly what I countered with, but that comment stuck with me for a long while.  Could people really think that two women who love each other are really being "unfair" to bring a child into a loving home, where it will be cared for and loved and taken care of?  

What about women who bring babies into this world while addicted to drugs, so their babies are addicted to drugs.  Isn't that unfair?  ..Women who bring babies into this world who are completely malnourished and were irresponsible and did not get any sort of prenatal care.  (I know that could spark a huge debate... but it's definitely been proven that women who take advantage of prenatal care give birth to much healthier babies).  What about women who get pregnant and don't want their kid, so they stuff it in a dumpster or leave it in the toilet.  

I just don't see how bringing a baby into a loving home with two parents to care for it and nurture it could be a bad thing.  Yes, sometimes it will get complicated.  Yes, sometimes it will be hard to explain to your child why all of their friends have a "Daddy"  (or a "Mommy" for that matter).  No, your child might not have a same-sex role model very early on in their life, but that is what Uncles and Aunts and Grandpa's and Grandma's are for.  

From the American Psychological Association:

"Patterson's and others' findings that good parenting, not a parent's sexual orientation, leads to mentally healthy children may not surprise many psychologists. What may be more surprising is the finding that children of same-sex couples seem to be thriving, though they live in a world that is often unaccepting of their parents."

I feel a little bit better.

BROTHERS?!

So hilarious!!  

7/6/08 **EDIT**

My sister at Valley Gardens.  Her shirt was so bright, I just had to try it.

Last night I had a long talk with someone I met last summer at my job.  She's on staff now, I'm really proud of her.  I miss her, and everyone, so much.  I know I shouldn't really talk about it on here, so I try not to.  It's just hard when it's the only thing I've really been thinking about a lot lately.  I would do anything to be there right now.  No...I take that back.  I'd do anything for it to be last summer again, before everything got crazy and things happened.  Back when I thought me not going back this summer would be on my terms, and not anyone else's.  I know that I really need to grow up and find a real job for the summer, but really...I was so happy there.  I could wear what I normally wear everyday (tshirt, sports bra, running shorts) and I got to do my favorite thing- hang out and play with kids.  I miss it so much.

This weekend I visited my friend Mer at University of Maryland.  We had a blast!!  A big group of us played Catchphrase for like 3 hours, and then went out to the bars in College Park.  Which are all so college-y and fun.  I definitely want to go back sometime to visit because her friends are all so nice and really funny.  Thanks again for having me Meredith!  I can definitely see why you love CP so much :-)

That's about it for now.  We leave on FRIDAY for the beach for a week.  I'm so excited, we haven't been on a real "vacation" in a long time.  (Unless you count going to Idaho last summer).  

**EDIT** What I meant was, I haven't been on a FAMILY vacation in a long time.. I have been on two wonderful vacations with Em so far this year :-)

Peace!