Wednesday, July 9, 2008


Recently, a very good friend of mine and I had a discussion about whether or not having two Lesbian  mothers raise a child or children could be hazardous and detrimental or whether it would not really make that much of a difference.  I'm sure you can guess which side of the argument I was defending.  I try my best to remove my personal judgements and feelings from such issues, so when I'm talking to someone who I really care about, I always just give them the benefit of the doubt.  ("They just haven't been very well educated on matters like this" or.. "They just need to spend more time around families with gay parents so that they can see for themselves")  However, this conversation really hurt my feelings, and bothered me for weeks afterwards.  It's been months since this person told me that they just couldn't see how a little boy could go without having a father in his life, without turning out gay.  (Um..hello?!  Ever heard of a single mother!?)  Then this person continued on to say that two women bringing a child into this world were being "unfair".  "Why?"  I asked incredulously.  "Because that child will be picked on until they're old enough to understand".  

I can't remember exactly what I countered with, but that comment stuck with me for a long while.  Could people really think that two women who love each other are really being "unfair" to bring a child into a loving home, where it will be cared for and loved and taken care of?  

What about women who bring babies into this world while addicted to drugs, so their babies are addicted to drugs.  Isn't that unfair?  ..Women who bring babies into this world who are completely malnourished and were irresponsible and did not get any sort of prenatal care.  (I know that could spark a huge debate... but it's definitely been proven that women who take advantage of prenatal care give birth to much healthier babies).  What about women who get pregnant and don't want their kid, so they stuff it in a dumpster or leave it in the toilet.  

I just don't see how bringing a baby into a loving home with two parents to care for it and nurture it could be a bad thing.  Yes, sometimes it will get complicated.  Yes, sometimes it will be hard to explain to your child why all of their friends have a "Daddy"  (or a "Mommy" for that matter).  No, your child might not have a same-sex role model very early on in their life, but that is what Uncles and Aunts and Grandpa's and Grandma's are for.  

From the American Psychological Association:
"Patterson's and others' findings that good parenting, not a parent's sexual orientation, leads to mentally healthy children may not surprise many psychologists. What may be more surprising is the finding that children of same-sex couples seem to be thriving, though they live in a world that is often unaccepting of their parents."

I feel a little bit better.


Lindsey said...

obviously my opinion on this matter is the same as yours...i hate how people use the lack of male/female figure (depending on the situation) in a child's life - my brother had few male role models in his life (my uncles were not really there after my father died), and he's now one of the most caring & sweetest men i know. do i worry about what might others might say to our (hypothetical) children? of course, but that's why i plan on living some place where my kids won't be the only kids of same-sex parents. also, in my sociology class we talked about how same sex relationships tend to be more equal as far as division of household chores and whatnot, since there's not that traditional men as breadwinners mentality - something i think is an important mentality to break.
a couple of years ago i was talking to some conservative friends about this (before they...or i...knew that i'd be raising kids with another woman) and they both told me that they would not support me if i were to raise children in a same sex marriage - which really struck me because here i am, a very good friend of theirs, and they wouldn't support me? that really upset me - to this day i really don't understand their reasoning and how these two very intelligent people can honestly believe that two people in a loving relationship, regardless of their gender, are bad parents simply because they are in a same sex relationship.
anyway, that was long.

Anonymous said...

kris--what's "unfair" is that people are too close-minded to accept something that's not "normal" to them. of course two women (or men) raising a child is a good long as they love each other and the child. People frustrate me so much that I can't even say anything more to this post other than, i love you.


Gooch said...

What an interesting post. Thanks for sharing.