Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Money Made You Mean

Sorry for the awful quality, I had to scan this picture in, plus it was in bad shape to begin with. Either way, this is from my senior year, Field Hockey. I think it was our last home game, making it Senior Recognition Day.

My parents divorced when I was 14. It was the summer that I was going into high school.. everyone told me that it was for the best, and I know that to be the truth now. It was something that should have happened years before it did. But at the time, I was outraged. I didn't want to leave my house, the house that I basically grew up in. Even though it meant that Kelsey and I would get our own room, even if it meant that there would be less fighting all the time and that my mom would be happier.. I still didn't want it to happen. I am taking a class called Adolescent Development right now, and adolescents are pretty self centered in the early teenage years. Every thought they have is centered around themselves, and I definitely was no exception.

Six years later, things are different, but somewhat the same. My parents have been constants in my life in two different ways. My mom has been a constant support system, and my dad has been a constant let down. I still cannot count on him for anything, really. When my mom left him, she took us with her. After all of that drama ended, it was time to go to court for child support. My dad actually told her, "You took the kids with you, and their financial responsibility" What loving parent says that?

I am aware that things could be way worse. I feel as though I constantly have to step back and know that my situation could be a lot worse. I have a great mom who does everything that she can and works 2 jobs in order for Kelsey and I to be able to get a college education. I'm not ungrateful, and I wouldn't want anyone to mistake my anger for anything it's not. I know that I could be in a way worse situation, but I'm not. This is the situation to me, and to me, it makes me angry. Why am I going to spend Thanksgiving with my dad and his family, when I am more thankful for my mom and her family? I hate that it has to sound like that.. like the line is drawn and it's not a collective "family" anymore, it's sides. But that's the way it goes.

Enough, I feel somewhat better.
Love everywhere,

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I feel the exact same way. And guilty for having those feelings. But we were forced into it, in a way. Don't be hard on yourself.
-kels (i cant remember my password ahhhh)