Tuesday, October 28, 2008


I feel like I pushed a pause button on my life.  Everything is hanging in the air.  Everything is uncertain.  I love my mom, but I am becoming so lonely here.  Every day is a carbon copy of the one before it.  I know that I was just writing about how I enjoy our routine... and I do, actually.  But I am the kind of person who needs to interact with lots of different people throughout the day.  

I feel like I'm going to burst with energy, yet every time I actually have to do something, 
I just want to stay curled up on the couch under the quilt.  I have watched The Price is Right almost every single day for the last two weeks.  I'm not being pathetic - that's not it at all.  I actually do get out of the house everyday.  And I'm generally happy.  I just feel completely unstimulated.  

And I want to start volunteering at A.I. duPont Children's Hospital... but I am really anxious about it.  Not about seeing sick children... sadly, I think I'm almost desensitized to that...  I guess it's more that it will remind me of Liam to be there.  There are tons of books there that have a sticker on the front with a photo of him.  The Kanes always do a big book drive in his memory.  

Some days, I still can't believe he's gone.

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