Shocked.

I was going through a bunch of old emails tonight. I've had my email account forever, so there were years of saved emails that were ready to be sent to the trash bin.

My ears are ringing, my face is burning, and my heart feels as though it's slowly descending down into my stomach right now.

I found an email that I'd written to Lance Kowalski's mother back in 2005, shortly after Liam passed away. Lance's mom, Justine, made a playlist on iTunes in honor of her son. I was making a slide show of some photos I had of Liam, and I was looking on iTunes for some music to add to it. I came across the list she made for her son, who had, ironically also passed away from Neuroblastoma. The playlist was great, and I emailed her, thanking her for making it. We shared emails back and forth for about a year and a half, and then we lost touch. She was an amazing lady.

Tonight I found one of those emails and it made me think of her. I emailed her, asking how she was, etc. The email came back right away, saying it was undeliverable. I knew it was the right email address. So I went to Lance's caringbridge, and noticed that it hadn't been updated in over a year. I went to the guestbook, and found that sadly, Justine committed suicide in May 2008. My head is buzzing, and I just can't believe it.

I can't fall asleep, and I feel so incredibly sad.