Homeward Bound

Tomorrow Em and I are picking up our friend Sean from his dorm at UNCG and the three of us are driving up to the rally this weekend.  We're picking up our friend Chloe along the way in College Park, MD.  I'm excited to see everyone, and especially stop in and see my mom!

To all my Wilmington-ians out there... do you recognize what's in this photo?  If you grew up in Wilmington (or at least spent your high school years there) then I'm sure you've seen this at least once!  Hint: It's not actually in the state of Delaware...

First to answer wins a prize!

Busy, Busy, Busy.

Even after all this time

The Sun never says to the Earth,

'You owe me'

Look what happens to a love like that.

It lights the whole sky!

-Hafiz

Instead of a photo, I started out this post with one of my favorite poems when I was in high school.  While looking on my bookshelf for a notebook for one of my classes from sophomore year (of college), I came across this red notebook that I recognized immediately.  It was my "poem book" that I started at age 12.  Some of them are my poems (which are HILARIOUS to read now) and some of them are just poems that I came across that I liked.  I stopped writing in it when I was about 16 or 17, and by that point, I was mostly copying poems.  

I have been so busy the last few days, I haven't had a chance to post my Photo-A-Days.  I've taken photos every day, I just haven't been able to post them.  And I'm going to have to put it off again for a little while because of the pile of homework I have to do tonight!

My New Job

Thanks to my readers for the comments and emails sharing their stories after my last post.  Sometimes it just takes hearing that you're not alone in a situation to make you feel not so isolated.  I really appreciated it.

After wallowing in self pity yesterday, I picked myself up and decided to figure out how I can make some money.  And after following up on a few leads from last week, I found a job!  It pays 12 dollars an hour...

I'm selling my body.

Noooo... I'm not planning on walkin' the mean streets of Greensboro!  I'm selling my body to the art depart.ment at UN.CG.  They need models for Life Drawing classes.  Only here's the catch.  It's nude modeling.

Yes, you read that correctly.  I am going to be sitting/posing for 3 hours straight in a classroom twice a week so that 20 college kids can stare at my naked body and draw it.

EEK!  Am I nervous?  Yeah... but I've never had a problem being naked before.  I've sat for Em before, so that she could do life drawing homework.  When hanging out with my roomies, I usually just wear shorts and a sports bra.  I'm more nervous about there being someone in the class who knows me!  Or that I won't be able to hold still for 20 minutes (that's how long you have to hold a pose).

I won't start until the middle of the semester, because they like to have different models/different body types for the students to draw.  But... it's definitely going to be an adventure!

Ideas?

I don't know what to do.

My mom continues on an economic downward spiral.  It's so sad and frustrating for me to hear her say things like, "I'm so ready to throw in the towel and just give up, and move in with my parents for a few years".  It breaks my heart to know that she is willing to do that in order to be able to pay for things for Kelsey and I.  My mom is finally living a house that feels more like a "home" than any other place we have ever lived... it's heartbreaking.

When my parents separated in 2001, my mom, sister and I became such a strong unit.  Our motto was always "we will find a way", even when we were living paycheck to paycheck, my mom was working 2 jobs, and she was trying so hard to still be involved in our lives, and make it to those lacrosse games and awards banquets.  She busted her butt so that we could get things like class rings, senior portraits, prom dresses.

My heart feels like it's breaking.  My mom was finally getting back on her feet.  It took her 7 years, but last summer she felt like she was finally beginning to put a little bit of money in savings, and she was able to live comfortably.  When she was diagnosed with cancer, she knew that things were going to get tight... And they are.  The bill just for her actual surgery is $70,000.00  That doesn't include the other thousands that she was billed for for doctors appointments, blood draws, etc.  I think the total is somewhere around $75,000.00.  Insurance is covering a portion of it, but not all of it.  On the phone today, my mom told me that she feels "beaten down".  I feel so strongly for her.

I had saved up about $1500 for this semester, so that I could take my full 18 credit hours without worrying about having to work.  I wanted to be able to focus on my school work, since I'm a senior and taking all 400 level classes with heavy workloads.  Well, I had to lend that money to my mom last November, and now I have $16.82 in my bank account.  Bills are due this week, I haven't bought books for all of my classes, rent is due on Monday (something my mom has always paid for... I take care of my bills, groceries, spending money, etc.)  My mom told me today that the total of her rent and Kelsey and my rent is $1900.  My mom only makes $1700 per paycheck.  So, her paycheck doesn't even cover all of our rents!  Let alone her bills, groceries, etc.  She had to pick and choose which bills to pay for this month.  She chose phone bill and electric bill, so that her heat wouldn't be turned off.  

It makes me sick to my stomach.  Our little family was doing well- finally getting back on our feet after the blow of the divorce.  It took 7 years, but after being frugal for that long, we had made it!  And my mom's cancer has set us back, further back than we ever were before.  I wish I could give my mom the peace of mind she needs.  I'm so frustrated and angry and sad and I don't know what to do.  I could get a job, but even then I won't make money fast enough to cover the things that need to be covered within the next 7 days (for myself and for my mom).

And while I was sitting here thinking about it, the part that put me over the edge and made curl up in a little ball and cry is the thought that some people have it so much worse off than us.  My mom's twice a month paycheck is more than some people in the world will have in a lifetime.  1 in 5 people in this world are living off $1 a day.  Sickening.

I was in Delaware for the entire fall semester.  I should have put together some sort of fund-raiser for my mom.  I should have done something.  This is so frustrating.

Game Day

I love this photo of Sydney and Rugger.  It really "fits" them.  Sydney has a big dopey smile on her face, and Ruggy could not hold his head still... he never stops moving!  

Today was one of the best days I've had in a long time.  My friend Kim's heat broke this morning, so instead of freezing over at her house, she came over here and we played Monopoly and watched Wall-E.  After Monopoly (she kicked my butt) we played Trivial Pursuit and kept with the animated movies and watched Happy Feet.  It was so nice to just relax and do something fun that didn't involve driving anywhere, spending any money, or doing anything that involved a lot of walking.  It sounds lazy, but really I just needed a day in my PJs, hanging out with a friend.

PS. In case you were wondering why there's a random "Chili's To-Go" bag in the photo, we've had that for months.  Symon enjoys hiding in it and playing with it.

It don't matter if you're black or white

Except it does.

The really interesting sociology class that I've decided to keep (along with my poli-sci class) is Race and Ethnic Relations.  It was definitely the best decision ever to keep it, so thanks for agreeing with me, guys!  This class is awesome- about 50 students, hilarious and down to earth professor with reasonable expectations, and a generally interesting topic.  Plus- it took me checking online four times a day for 5 weeks for a spot to open up, and when one did a few days ago, I snagged it ASAP because this is one of those classes everyone talks about.  You know... the ones where the professor has you do really cool activities like wear stereotypes taped to your back and people treat you how you "should" be treated, and you have to figure it out.  Or the one where you have those discussions where people get very deep, tears are shed, and you leave the class hugging people.  

Right... so needless to say, I am very excited to be taking this course this semester!

I got to this class early yesterday, so I sat down, opened my granola bar, and waited.  People began trickling in, and I started to notice that pretty much everyone in the class is African American.  Of course, that's fine with me... it just reminded me of a time not too long ago.

My freshman year, I decided to be brave.  For the spring semester, I signed up for "Intro to African American Studies".  I thought it would be interesting.  I thought it would be a great experience.  I was right, but I was also wrong.  That class had 60 students in it, and I was the only white person in the entire class.  59 African American students, and 1 white student.  I stuck out like a sore thumb, obviously.  At first, it wasn't that big of a deal.  But, as the semester went on, it became more and more difficult and emotionally exhausting to be in that class.

We would have these discussions about so many things, and I felt like I could never raise my hand and become a part of them because I felt this huge, enormous weight on my shoulders whenever I was there.  I felt so guilty.  I felt like I was representing the entire white race in that classroom, and I didn't want to say the wrong thing.  I felt ashamed to be white, ashamed at the past, ashamed of other people who share my skin color who still hold fast to those ideals that came about 250 years ago.  People were angry.  People were hurt.  People would give these accounts of racism in their lives and how they felt deep down about themselves and their family, and big fat tears would well up in my eyes and spill onto my face.  I felt so helpless and so answerless.  I felt like I wanted to come up with something more profound than "I'm so sorry."  Because that's still not right - I have nothing to apologize for.  I personally didn't do anything wrong.  

And even if I personally am not racist, even if I love people regardless of color, etc., and even if I do recognize the fact that I am privileged because of my skin color (even if I don't ever try to outwardly USE that privilege), I still can't fix this.  I can't change how things are today myself.  

I will never be RIGHT, because what happened in the past was so WRONG.  And that is what is so frustrating for me.  

I Scream, You Scream

Last night after we went swimming (I'm learning Butterfly!) I had this huge craving for some Ben & Jerry's.  The actual ice cream store was closed, so we went to Harris Teeter to buy a pint.  Yum... sometimes you just need some ice cream!

The gym that we go to has a 3 lane pool, a huge whirl pool, a sauna, and a steam room.  I really love the whirl pool... and I usually go into the sauna for about 3 minutes because that's all I can handle!  The steam room though, freaks me out.  It's so scary- it's like your sitting in there and then all of the sudden steam starts pouring out of these vents and it's so loud.  It makes me feel like I'm in a gas chamber, and then I start to feel claustrophobic.  So... I stick to the sauna!

In other news... I'm having a hard time making a decision about my schedule.  I can't decide what to do.  Right now I'm taking 18 credits.  Two of my classes include: a Sociology class (finishes my minor) that is SOOO interesting and I love the prof. and I feel like I'm going to do really well in it.  And a Political science class (finishes my "general req. for "world") that seems like it's going to be a a lot of work, but sounds interesting.  I really like having both of these in my schedule, because they make all of my classes right in a row, every day.  (So that I'm not hanging out on campus for long intervals in between classes).

My problem is that, I've found a Sociology class that fits my "world" requirement - one class that knocks out both of those reqs.  So, I could add that class and drop both of the others.  This would drop my course load down to 15 credit hours... however, this class involves A LOT of work (I signed up for it last year and ended up dropping it because it was only a 200 level course but the workload was that of a graduate level class).  So... I don't think it's worth it to drop the two interesting classes, just to pick up a class that could potentially be more work than both of those classes combined...

Gah  :-/  And I only have one more day to decide!

Does my nose look broken to you?

Back story: I broke my nose in Nov. '07 playing rugby.  I had reconstructive surgery (because my septum was deviated and the bones were all smashed) and I think it turned out pretty well.  Well, this morning I looked in the mirror and my nose looked CROOKED again!  Whaddya think?

I jumped on the Interviewing band wagon.  Thanks to Shaba over at A Blog of Her Own for interviewing me!  A few of these questions might sound familiar to some of you guys - last fall I answered some similar reader questions, but I'll go ahead because my answers might have changed since then.

The Rules:

a. Leave a comment saying, "Interview Me".

b. I will respond by e-mailing you 5 questions.  I get to pick the questions.

c. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

d. You will include this explanation and offer to interview someone else in the same post.

e. When others comment asking you to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions!

The Questions:

1. What one quote/lyric/etc do you live your life by?  Why?

My favorite quote is this:

"This is my simple religion.

There is no need for temples; 

no need for complicated philosophy.

My own brain, my own heart is my temple.

My philosophy is kindness." 

-Dalai Lama

This is truly something that I live by each and every day.  It's hard to say exactly why, but it's just this extremely strong feeling that I have.  I feel like kindness rules the world.  There is no stronger act than kindness.  If we really truly embraced that, think about how different things could be.

2. What is your earliest memory?

My earliest memory (that is actually a memory, and not just a fleeting feeling or sight) is from when I was 4 years old.  I was running around on our patio, and ran into our grill, which was lit.  I didn't sustain any serious injuries, but it scared me badly.  You can read the full story here.

3. What would someone be surprised to learn about you?

Hmm... I am accident prone.  That's not the surprising part - the surprising part are the truly odd things that have happened to me because of this.  For example, yesterday, I sneezed and pulled a muscle in my chest.  You can believe me, or not believe me.  It's up to you.  But, it happened.

4. If you had to pick one meal to eat for the rest of your life, what would you pick?

This is a really, really hard question!!  Well my favorite meal is fried chicken and mashed potatoes, but I really don't think I could eat that twice a day for the rest of my life - I'd blow up like a balloon.  I'm going to have to go with beef stew, white rice, and green apple slices.  :-)

5. Would you ever do anything just to get on TV?

Nope, I don't think so.  I have no desire to be on TV because I'm horrible at acting (I know - I took Acting I my freshman year!) and I couldn't be on a reality TV show because I'm not bitchy enough.  So... unless I was going to get to meet someone awesome or make a huge amount of money to pay off my student debts, then probably no!  

If any of you would like to be interviewed, just leave it in a comment and include your email address so that I can send you your questions!!

Obama Day.

I woke up this morning

Feeling brand new

Cause the dreams that I've been dreaming

Have finally come true!

Happy Inauguration Day!!

We've had the TV on since we got up at 8.  It snowed here last night (barely an inch) but we still have a 2 hour delay because of it!  Gotta love the South.  I only have one class today (others canceled for inauguration) and when it's over, I'm sprinting to the big celebration on campus, where they are projecting the inauguration onto a huge screen for all to see.  I've been waiting for this day for so long!!

It's time for unity

For us and we

That's you and me

Together.

Sleepy Symon

Symon was all snuggled up on the couch with Em the other night. He's so cute and loveable when he's not being a complete terror.

Classes start Tuesday- I'm pumped. I'm even more excited for what else is happening on Tuesday! My profs have canceled afternoon classes for that day (so those classes will start Thursday) so that we can watch the inauguration.

We're watching the Eagles/Cardinals football game, and the Eagles are getting crushed. I think my dreams of Philadelphia winning the World Series and the Superbowl are about to be destroyed! It's been a lazy day today, which is fine by me because it's freezing outside and I'm a bit hungover from last night's events. Tomorrow I plan on doing SOMETHING, I'm just not sure what yet!

A room full of people that still love me

While organizing, unpacking, and going through a lot of my old things, I've come across some items that have brought back some amazing memories.

1. The dinosaur that I got at Liam's viewing.  The Kanes had so many dinos, and they were all beautifully displayed underneath of Liam's casket.  Liam used to have "Dino Meetings", and it looked just the same... all of his dinosaurs surrounding him to send him off.  It was very sweet of the Kanes to give each person one, and I will definitely treasure it for the rest of my life.

2. A shoe box with framed photos that used to be up in my dorm room my freshman year.  There is one in particular - it's Maria and I, and it's in a turquoise frame with polka dots.  I don't even know when it was taken, but I love that photo because it reminds me of my freshman year, living in the dorm, and setting up all of my pictures when I first got there.

3. Lacrosse goggles.  We didn't start wearing them until my junior year, and I hated them when we had to start wearing them.  However, just seeing them reminded me of two things.  How much I miss playing lacrosse (A LOT) and our friend Zack at Senior Week, who wore them around one night in a drunken stupor.

4. A Camp Ho.ov.er laundry bag.  I miss that place... I just do.

5. My watermelon--- Right before my parents divorced, at my old house we had the huge Oak tree in our front yard cut down.  After they were done, my mom collected a few of the small extra pieces of wood they left behind, and two of them were in a wedge shape.  She painted them to look like watermelons, and they are a legitimate part of that tree and my childhood.  Fast forward 5 years - right before I went to college, my cousin Meghan's advice for me was, "Take one object from your home that really reminds you of 'home'.  Just something small that isn't obvious, but will remind you of home when you look at it."  I took one of those watermelons, and I still have it.  I love it, I love that my mom painted it, and I love that it came from that tree that isn't there anymore.  

I'm feeling nostalgic and sad for some reason tonight.

1/14

And one more thing before we go -

There's never been any place quite like this home.

Today Em and I drove back down to North Carolina.  The drive was relatively uneventful.

It was so hard to leave... I cried on and off last night.  I just couldn't help it.  I'm going to miss my mom so much.  I'm looking forward to the semester, but I really enjoyed being with my mom.  It's hard to leave her.  I feel like such a baby, but after my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I just wanted to be around her all of the time, and I was able to from the start.  I know that she's doing much better now though, and I have no reason to worry about her.

I bought some groceries tonight, and got rid of some of the clothes from my closet/dresser to make room for the clothes I've acquired since June.  There's not many... however, I have a serious problem.  A very, very serious issue.

I am a t-shirt packrat.

I have well over 100 tshirts.  And that's down from about 175 earlier this summer.  I eliminated all tshirts that did not either (a) have a special meaning to me, (b) come from a sports tournament, or (c) actually make it onto my body atleast once a month.

I just love tshirts!  You can never have enough.  My problem is that I have so many that are pretty grungy now- some of them I've had since high school and I mostly use them for sleeping or sports practice/working out.  But... I just can't give them up, they are special to me!  Some are from concerts, high school sports, rugby tournaments, etc.  Some of them are from colleges I've visited or that my friends go to... Oh well. 

Time to unpack everything.  Oh, and 25 points in the game of life if you can comment and tell what song those lyrics at the top are from!  (Without googling!!!)

101 Facts About Me.

1. I love surprises. It's really rare that I get surprised with something, so that makes it even more special.

2. I have never left North America.

3. I enjoying skiing, but I have absolutely no desire to learn how to snowboard.

4. There is a freckle below my belly button that I have always liked.

5. Right now (Jan 2009) I have the highest GPA I've ever had in my life.

6. I'm scared of rail-road crossings. My least favorite one is on 322 on the way to the Jersey Turnpike.

7. My favorite colors are green, yellow, and blue. In that order.

8. I wrote my first poem at age 7. It read: "I see me, the beautiful, beautiful me/ I see me in the beautiful sea/ I see you in the beautiful see too! / After we get out, what do you want to do?/ Maybe we'll build a sandcastle or two!

9. My favorite gum is Orbit Sweet Mint.

10. My childhood pets names have been: Rocky, Patches, Tipper, Lucas, and Simba. All boys, all cats, except for Tipper who was a beagle.

11. I love candles that are scented like "fresh linen".

12. As a child attending church, I was often an "acolyte". That's a person who wears a special gown and carries a lighted candle down the aisle, and assists with communion.

13. I was in the school chorus in high school, and I almost failed the class because my singing was so awful.

14. I lived in 4 different houses during my childhood.

15. My very first CD was Will Smith- Willenium.

16. I have crowd surfed!!

17. I think Ben Folds is a lyrical genius.

18. I really want to learn Spanish. I took it for 2 years in high school and barely learned a thing.

19. I hate the word "nausea" and all forms of it.

20. When I was 12 I broke my ankle. How did I do it? I was in the dining room doing my homework and heard the opening song for Full House down in my den, so I sprinted down there to watch it and I skipped the last 5 or so steps, landing horribly.

21. I have never liked cheese on my sandwiches. In fact, I usually prefer no condiments either. Just meat and bread.

22. I haven't seen Top Gun, Rocky, The Matrix, Indiana Jones, Men in Black, or The Sound of Music.

23. I have a good friend who spent a good amount of time in prison. I am incredibly proud of the person she has become since her release.

24. I have been to ten eleven Dave Matthews Band concerts.

25. My very first alcoholic drink was a screw driver. To this day, when I drink orange juice I can almost taste a hint of cheap vodka.

26. My favorite Christmas tradition that my family does is "The Pickle". We have an ornament that is a shiny, glossy, green pickle. When we were younger, we would leave The Pickle out next to Santa's plate of cookies, and in the morning it would be gone and hidden on the tree (by Santa). The very first thing we do on Christmas morning is run downstairs and search for The Pickle on the tree. Whoever finds it first opens the first present. We didn't come up with this on our own - it's a German tradition...we're not German though!

27. I have an allergy to capers, bee stings, and morphine.

28. When I pick out crabs, I keep a little mountain of Old Bay on the table next to me. I dip every piece of meat into it- even if the crabs were originally seasoned. I can never get enough seasoning!

29. I have never attended an NFL or NBA game, and just attended my first NHL game last winter.

30. My favorite Disney soundtrack is Pocahontas.

31. I was a co Editor-In-Chief of my high school's newspaper.

32. When I was a kid, I once guessed randomly at what the lottery numbers would be, and to my disbelief, I was right. But, I never told anyone because I was sure no one would believe me. I can still remember the numbers: 8-6-3.

33. I love Jim Gardner - the news anchor for Channel 6 ABC Action News. He just looks like he's such a great old man.

34. I have a "thing" for the number 2. It's always been my number in sports (except rugby), but I often base things off of it and make random decisions using the number 2.

35. The most I've ever weighed was 144 lbs, and that was my freshman year of college. (The freshman 15 def. happened to me! All that Easy Mac I think...)

36. I prefer red wine over white.

37. My favorite book when I was little was "Chicka-Chicka-Boom-Boom". It was about all of the letters in the alphabet trying to climb the same tree.

38. It is near impossible to stick me for an IV or blood draw.

39. I love Apple products, I could never go back to Windows now!

40. My favorite old Western movie is The Searchers. The only reason I have one is because my dad used to watch them all the time (mostly in between commercials and time outs of sports games.)

41. I'd rather have a stomach bug for 24 hours than a cold for 4 days. Pretty much anyone who has ever lived with me can attest to the fact that when I have a cold, I am the most miserable, pathetic, whiny person on the face of the planet. I am not ashamed to admit that. Plus, cold medicine makes me very, very on edge and jumpy and keeps me awake.

42. My favorite meal is fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn. With light gravy, not the dark kind. It's really only my favorite if my mom makes it though. But that's hard because raw oysters and steamed crabs are two of my favorite foods in the world..

43. I love the rowing machines at the gym, they make me feel like I am getting such a good work out.

44. I think rainbow sprinkles taste better than chocolate ones.

45. When I was in 4th grade, we had an "MS Read.a.thon" to benefit a Multiple Sclerosis charity. We had a month to read as many books as we could and get as many pledges as we could. ("I'll give you 10 cents for every book you read, etc.) The whole school participated and they gave out 3 awards - The kid who read the most books, the kid who read the most pages, and the kid who raised the most money. I won the award for most pages read - I was 10 and read over 10,600 pages in one month.

46. My freshman year of college, I learned the hard way that it's IMPOSSIBLE to get all of the bubbles out of a fountain that's been soaped...

47. I was born 18 days late.

48. I once ran 52 laps at my high school's track in around 3 hours. 52 laps = 13 miles.

49. I am hypoglycemic. I found this out while celebrating a friend's birthday at a huge Amish restaurant in PA. I didn't eat anything all day in order to prepare for the enormous dinner I'd be having, but I never even got to eat - I passed out in the bathroom due to low blood sugar!

50. I like to sleep with only 1 pillow. Actually, I find it really hard to sleep with 2.

51. I only missed one day of school from grades 1-5. In was during second grade, when I attended my great grandmother's funeral.

52. I hate hair. Hair makes me shudder... especially when it's wet and stuck to me. When I get out of the shower, I lay down towels on the bathroom floor so that I don't get any stray hairs that may be on the floor stuck in my toes.

53. Just writing that made me shudder!

54. Which reminds me, my favorite thing is being barefoot. When I meditate, I imagine myself in a tank top and shorts, in the summer, walking barefoot on a big huge rock that has been warmed by the sun.

55. I still have all 4 grandparents living, and I know I'm extremely lucky.

56. My favorite kind of soda is Root Beer. I rarely drink any other kind of soda.

57. My eyes were blue until I was twelve years old, and then they just turned green.

58. I took ice skating lessons when I was in middle school.

59. I can't drive a stick shift, no matter how hard I try to learn.

60. I'm not at all afraid of needles... I think it's easier to watch when they stick you. And, my mom does it for a living and taught me how... and I drew her blood once!

61. I wish I wasn't a pack rat.

62. I can't keep track of a pair of sunglasses to save my life.

63. I could listen to Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture in E flat over and over again.

64. After I wrote that sentence, I opened iTunes and began playing it.

65. I hate talking on the phone.

66. I do not download music illegally.

67. If I could have lunch with anyone in the world, I would choose Nelson Mandela.

68. I love hammocks!

69. I used to avoid eye contact at all costs, when I felt vulnerable or exposed. I think (hope!) that I've gotten better about this over the years.

70. It has taken me almost a month to write this so far.

71. My ring size is a 7.

72. I love rollercoasters and my favorite one is The Hulk at Disney...or Nitro at Six Flags NJ!

73. I had to go to physical therapy when I was 17, during the "Year of the Curse of 3's".

74. The Year of the Curse of 3's is something that I made up- they always say that bad things happen in 3's, and for me, they happened during a 5 month span during my junior year.

75. I didn't really like sushi until I was 20 years old... now I love it and will try anything!

76. I don't believe in organized religion.

77. I'm an Aries. I don't really know what that means though.

78. I have never once dyed my hair. (Did I already write that?)

79. I was in the "Guppies" swimming class at the Y when I was 12 years old. Everyone else in the class was five or six..

80. Because of my obvious embarrassment, when a friend saw me walking out of the Y one day with wet hair, I told her that I had joined the swim team.

81. My friends figured out that I was lying because I didn't know how many meters were in a lap. I never lied like that again!

82. I still can't do a cartwheel.

83. I like the Phillies and the Orioles, and no one can tell me that you can only like one baseball team!

84. I know someone who wanted to be like Jim Morrison, so he tried to swallow a quarter. When he couldn't do it, he swallowed two dimes and a nickel instead.

85. The person I was just referring to was my very first boy friend... Lovely.

86. I hate mayonnaise.

87. If I get a piece of mail, that automatically becomes the best part of my day. Unless it's a bank statement or Clipper magazine.

88. My favorite shoes are my Birkenstocks.

89. Sometimes, I really really really miss being a kid.

90. Best concert I ever attended: Simon and Garfunkel. I cried, it was so beautiful.

91. I'm really quite unnecessarily emotional at beautiful things.

92. One of my favorite smells is the scent of a campfire.

93. I believe Girl Scouts is an amazing program. Boy Scouts - not as much.

94. I hate Italian food and Italian restaurants. The only Italian restaurant that I actually like is Macaroni Grill.

95. I had very messy hand writing until around age 9. I was complaining to my mom about it, and she simply said, "So change the way you write." So I did, and now I write very neatly.

96. I'm pretty compulsive about writing very neatly. I only use pencils.

97. Speaking of only using pencils - I love crossword puzzles.

98. I have a Raggedy Anne Doll named "Annie". I've had her since I was 5. She is the replacement for one that I had since birth that had contaminants spilled on her at my mom's work. I didn't know about "the big switch" until years later.

99. I hate socks that aren't ankle socks. (Unless I'm wearing my hiking boots)

100. I want to change the world, and I think that anyone can do it. One person, one hug, one conversation, one smile at a time.

101. Famous people I have met: Tyler Hilton, Barack Obama, O.A.R., Bethany Joy Lenz, Michelle Branch, Brett Dennen, Brand New, Ani DiFranco, Vanessa Carlton. I'm probably forgetting someone...

Congrats on making it to the end!

THON 2009

Well, I've been saying for 4 years that I'm going to make it to Penn State's THON Weekend.  This year, I am going to do everything in my power to actually make it happen.  In past years, we've had rugby games or other events going on, but I truly think that if I don't go this year than I may not get the chance again.  This time next year, I'll (hopefully) be in Grad School, and I don't know what part of the country I will be in.  This year it is Feb. 20-22.

I've explained what THON is before on here, but in case you missed it, it's a 48 hour Dance Marathon held at Penn State every year to raise money for Pediatric Cancer.  It's the largest student run philanthropy in THE WORLD.  Last year they raised over 6 million dollars, putting their overall total over the years at over 52 million dollars.  That is breath taking.

For an entire weekend, teams of dancers dance, play with kids and families, raise money and awareness, and it all takes place inside of a huge gym.  Here is my favorite THON promo video - there are a ton if you just type it into Youtube.  But this was the very first video I saw (it's from THON 2006) and it does a really good job at explaining what THON is and capturing the whole weekend.  When I saw this, I knew that I had to get myself to THON at some point in my life...

For real!?

The last time I was on Prednisone, I definitely didn't have insomnia.  However, this time I definitely do.  It's funny (not really though) how the steroids knocked out the rash within days so that I could get some sleep, only for me to experience this side effect which happens to be "staying up all night".  I'm not really complaining because at least I'm not tortured by the rash and trying to sleep.  I don't mind not sleeping if I'm not trying to - I'm just bored.

I've never done anything like this before, but it kind of looked like fun.

Rules​
1. Put your iPod/​iTune​s on shuff​le.​
2. For each quest​ion,​ press​ the next butto​n to get your answe​r.​
3. YOU MUST WRITE​ THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTE​R HOW SILLY​ IT SOUND​S!​

4. Tag 3 people to complete this!

IF SOMEO​NE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY"​ YOU SAY?
No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem (Kenny Chesney)

WHAT WOULD​ BEST DESCR​IBE YOUR PERSO​NALIT​Y?​
Honey and the Moon (Joseph Arthur)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/​GIRL?​
Smiling (Jimmie's Chicken Shack)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'​S PURPO​SE?​
One Shot (O.A.R.)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO​?​
Yellow (Coldplay)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIEN​DS THINK​ OF YOU?
Asleep (The Smiths)

WHAT DO YOU THINK​ ABOUT​ VERY OFTEN​?​
Colorblind (Counting Crows)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Galileo (Indigo Girls)

WHAT DO YOU THINK​ OF YOUR BEST FRIEN​D?​
Fairytale of New York (The Pogues)

WHAT DO YOU THINK​ OF THE PERSO​N YOU LIKE?​
Champagne High (Sister Hazel)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY​?​
Ooh Child (Five Stairsteps)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Hurricane (Bob Dylan)

WHAT DO YOU THINK​ WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSO​N YOU LIKE?​
If I Had a Million Dollars (Barenaked Ladies)

WHAT DO YOUR PAREN​TS THINK​ OF YOU?
For Good (Wicked Soundtrack)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE​ TO AT YOUR WEDDI​NG?​
Man in the Mirror (Michael Jackson) <--- HAHAHA 

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNER​AL?​ 

Here Comes the Sun (The Beatles) <---- Quite fitting, actually. 

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGE​ST SECRE​T?​ 

Thugz Mansion (Tupac) 

WHAT DO YOU THINK​ OF YOUR FRIEN​DS?​ 

Fool in the Rain (Led Zeppelin) 

WHAT'​S THE WORST​ THING​ THAT COULD​ HAPPE​N?​ 

Nothing Lasts Forever (Brett Dennen) 

HOW WILL YOU DIE? 

No Pause (Girl Talk) 

WHAT IS ONE THING​ YOU REGRE​T?​ 

The District Sleeps Alone Tonight (The Postal Service) 

WHAT MAKES​ YOU LAUGH​?​ 

Banana Pancakes (Jack Johnson) 

WHAT MAKES​ YOU CRY? 

Milk and Cereal (G. Love & Special Sauce) 

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRI​ED?​ 

Right Back Where We Started From (Maxine Nightingale) 

DOES ANYON​E LIKE YOU? 

I Did It (Dave Matthews Band) 

IF YOU COULD​ GO BACK IN TIME,​ WHAT WOULD​ YOU CHANG​E?​ 

Stuck in a Moment (U2)

WHAT HURTS​ RIGHT​ NOW?
The Stranger (O.A.R.)

I like that what made me laugh and what made me cry were both breakfast items!  I also liked the first one!

I tag Erin, Lindsey, and Elaina.  Although, I don't know if anyone will actually do it, therefore, I really tag anyone who is bored and feels like doing this!  

Connections

Sometimes I connect with people unexpectedly.  I run into people and for a few hours, we become a part of each others life, and then we part and never speak again, but I am a better person for meeting them.

Recently, I was at a bar in Middletown and met this woman who was celebrating her 37th birthday.  I started talking to her, and realized that she was going to be one of "those people" who I may never see again, but who would touch my life in a way that I wasn't expecting.  We talked about my plans post-graduation, about her experiences as a writer and a mother.  She has two children, one of whom is a 10 year old boy with Asperger Syndrome.  We talked about him for a long time.  Not too long ago, he told her that he didn't want to live anymore.  That it was too hard.  I thought she may have been tearing up, but I couldn't tell for sure.  I wanted to hug her and tell her that everything would be alright.  That he would grow up and probably do amazing things with his IQ of 134.  But, we were in a bar and it was 1 am, and her husband and the couple she was out with were all trying to have a good time and celebrate her birthday.  

I really connected with this woman.  Even though I was 3 years old when she graduated from high school, I felt like she was an old friend I hadn't seen in a long time and we were just catching up.  She told me about how she is a writer- she writes children's books.  I don't think she's had any published yet, but she's working on that.  We talked about how she was an elementary education major, and felt like she knew A LOT about children.  So, when she had her son, she expected it to be a piece of cake.  But it wasn't, because he was an inconsolable infant and was confusing for her and her husband.  She told me that he was God's way of saying to her, "You don't know everything, I'm throwing you a curve ball!"  It sounds like after 10 years, she is able to accept that for what it is.  I'm proud of her for that.

I don't ever want to forget her, or her son.  I wish I could meet him, he sounds amazing.  

Sometimes when people start talking to me, I could just listen forever.  I don't get bored, and even if I can't relate, I'm usually able to put myself in their shoes and imagine their situation from that point in their life.  

Spring 09

I'm registered for all of my classes.  I'm taking 18 credits.

Classes for my major: 

-Family Diversity

-Theories and Principles of Parenting

-Current Developmental Theory Research

Cognates: 

-Politics of Non-Western World

-Statistics

For my minor:

-Sociology of Urban Society  (Although I may switch into Race & Ethnic Relations, if the prof. lets me)

It's so scary that I only have 2 semesters left.

NYC

Em and I went into the city yesterday.  It was fun- we went to Times Square to check out about cheap broadway tickets, but the only thing that they were selling that we really would want to see is Avenue Q, and we just saw that last year.  Hilarious show, but I didn't want to use my money on something I've already seen.  So, after that we headed down to SOHO and window shopped and walked around.  We headed back up to midtown (right Em?) and met up with two old friends of mine.  It was really good to see them and catch up- it had literally been years and years since I'd seen them.

I was supposed to go to Kate and Meghan's birthday party at Andy's tonight, but I've started to deal with some odd side effects in the last few days.  First and most importantly -I have zero energy.  I'm not sleepy, my body just wears out easily.  And I have these weird dark circles around my eyes.  It's not just bags under my eyes - it's almost like fading black eyes.  Not sure what that's a result of.  I feel bad that I didn't make it to the party, but I would have been no fun anyway.  The antibiotic makes me feel kind of nauseous, and adding alcohol to that probably wouldn't be the best idea ever.

Either way - Happy Birthday Kate & Meghan!  Love you guys!

Relief.

I want one.  Even though they cry and scream and are inconsolable at times, and they poop all the way up their back and they cost a fortune, I still can't wait to have one of my own!!  We visited Pita today and her new baby boy, Jake.  It was good to see both of them, and the baby was beautiful and perfect.  He slept in my arms for what felt like forever, and when I gave him up, I could feel the warmth leave my body.

In other news: I went to the doctor yesterday.  He didn't really have an answer for me, however, he did prescribe me three medications that will hopefully knock this rash out.  I'm on a steroid (Prednisone), a corticosteroid cream, and an antibiotic (Kephlex).  The antibiotic is because the rash is now infected.  (Wonderful).  

My derm. said that he wants to wait until this clears up to try and find the source.  (Which is fine with me, as long as the rash is gone and I am back to getting sleep.)  He seemed to think that it might be an Autoimmune Disorder, but we're going to check everything - I'm getting a patch test (similar to a scratch test) at some point.  We'll see.  For now, I'm trying not to let the Prednisone have the same effect on me that it did last year.  I became so irritable and just couldn't get comfortable or happy.  So far, the rash on my stomach has calmed down some.  

Thank.  God.

Time is our friend

The more I think about moving back to North Carolina, the more anxious I start to feel.  In the past few years, whenever I would come home for a week to visit or whatever, I would always feel a twinge of sadness on my flight or drive back down, but usually it would dissipate quickly.  North Carolina is my "home", so I would feel as though I was just returning to my "normal".  

However, now my "normal" is here.  I am excited to go back to NC and get back to my life as a college kid where I left off.  But, somewhere inside of me is this feeling that I'm really going to miss living here with my mom.  We do everything together now, and are closer than we ever were - and closer than I ever imagined we could be.  We watch Jeopardy together, we do dishes together, we laugh hysterically at things and I'm able to shut the rest of the world out while I'm in this house.  While that may not be the healthiest thing, I think I needed that.  Time away from the clutter of my usual life.  While here, I have amassed a lot more belongings than I left NC with (I blame Christmas), but when I started out, I only had like 2 loads of laundry here.  I complained a lot that I didn't ever have anything to do, but secretly, I liked that I had nothing better to do than lay on the couch and read a book or watch Lifetime made for TV movies.

I am ready to be a student again- that is something that I truly missed.  But I am not ready to think about Grad schools or what will happen once I graduate.  I talked to my roommate today, who took the GRE's before Christmas.  I need to do that this semester, and that scares the crap out of me.  I don't want to grow up, I want time to rewind.  I want to be a freshman again... when did all of these years pass me by?  What have I been doing with myself all this time?

Photo A Day Challenge

I decided back around Thanksgiving that I want to try to do a 365 Photo A Day Challenge.  Basically, it's when you post one photo every single day for a year.  I was actually not going to do it, since we went to Deep Creek Lake and I didn't get back until the 4th.  (Ideally I would have started on the 1st.)  However, a few friends told me I should do it anyway - who cares if I was a few days late, so I went ahead and started!

Here's the link - www.kristenspad.blogspot.com  Don't feel obligated to even look at it- it's not that interesting!  It's really just for myself, to work on my photography skills and see if I can actually do this challenge.  

PS. If you are going to click the link- be forewarned... my photo for today is of the rash that is taking over my torso...  It's not gross or anything, but it just kind of pops out when you see it.

I don't know if I'd survive, without a friend like you in my life

This summer I went to the John Mayer/Brett Dennen concert with Kels and her best friend Gill, and Gill's boyfriend Matt.  We basically didn't care about John Mayer (or Colbie Caillat, who was in between them), we really just went to see Brett.  It was amazing, and I posted about it back in July.  I wrote that there was something awesome that happened that would have to wait until I got ahold of the photo of it for proof - well tonight that picture finally got back to me!!  

WE MET BRETT DENNEN!!!!

He did his set and then Kels went to the bathroom when he was done.  When she got back, she told Gill and I that Brett was signing autographs at a table and that there was barely any line.  Gill, Matt and I immediately jumped up and ran inside.  They were just finishing up, so we basically just walked up to him and started talking to him.  I got a picture with him, and so did Gill and Matty.  It was so awesome!  As you can tell, it was pretty far into the evening, so I was slightly intoxicated, but I will never ever forget meeting him and having him sign his set list for me!!  

Thunderclouds forming cream white moon...

Everything's going to be okay soon.

I have so many words in my head, it splits my brain into ribbons.  I have all of these thoughts that are hard to actually write down, because I can't find the correct words to accurately express myself.

I just took the worst bath ever.  When I was in NJ last week, I spent my life savings at CVS on products to help with this ever-worsening skin situation.  (note: you should all go out and by stock in Aveeno ASAP.)  When we got home from Deep Creek today, I laid around on my bed for awhile and then decided I'd take an oatmeal bath before Carlos got here.  (Carlos is my mom's new boyfriend.  I haven't written about him yet... I'll get there at some point.)  I started the water, and after like 2 minutes, it went stone cold.  So I turned it off and left it for about 10 minutes, then returned and tried again.  The water was warm, but it only stayed that way for a few minutes.  At this point, I was already nakie and freezing, so I just added the oatmeal and got in the tub.  I waited some more and tried to get more warm water, but again, it was only a small amount.

This repeated for the next 20 minutes, but by then the original water was too chilly to even be enjoyable.  So I gave up.

Sorry, that had to have been the absolute most boring story ever written to a blog post.  I have so much to say, but I'm finding it hard to write about anything substantial right now.

Guess I'll just go before this gets any worse.

I'm having a rough day.

To Dewey

A few months after I started this blog, two years ago, I traveled to Deep Creek Lake, MD with my cousin Sherri and her family.  She has three kids- the ones who I post a zillion pictures of, because to me, they are the cutest, most loving and beautiful kids in the world.  Last time that we came here, I had just received my Christmas present from Em, which included a stuffed elephant.  After much deliberation, we named him Dewey.  I brought him with me, thinking the kids might like to snuggle with him.

Little did I know, they would soon become completely obsessed with him.  I told them "Dewey Stories" about how he comes alive when we're not looking, and they ate it up like hot cookies.  For the last two years, every single time I have seen them, they have questioned the whereabouts of Dewey and his latest antics.  I brought him along for this trip, thinking that they would be equally as amused by him this time around.  I was definitely not mistaken.  They insist on sleeping with him, dragging him over every inch of the house, and they are trying their best to talk me into letting him hit the hottub with them.  (ha!)  Questions so far this weekend have included: "How much does Dewey sit in time-out?", "Where is Dewey's pee pee?" (I'm assuming this meant pen.is?) "Does Dewey have a girlfriend?" , "I can hear Dewey's heart beating but I can't hear him breathing.  How come?"  (??!?)  Etc, etc.    Emma drew this picture for him tonight.  Actually she drew it, then asked me how to spell "To Dewey".  At four years old, I was pretty impressed with her penmanship!

We're having a great time.  It's about 18 degrees here, and it's been snowing on and off.  We spent most of today in our Pjs, playing cards and talking.  It's been so relaxing and nice.  Tomorrow morning we're heading off to the mountain to go snow tubing, and after that the "men" are coming back to put the kids down for a nap while the ladies head out for some shopping and driving around to explore.  I love this place, it's so beautiful!

More pics to come when I am home and on my own computer.

Much love.

K.

Happy New Year

Last night we had a great time with Lindsey and Megan.  We went to this cool little pub near their house in South Philly.  There weren't many people in there when we got there- maybe like 20 or 25.  We had an awesome dinner, then we had drinks and watched the ball drop on the bar's huge flat screen.  It was really fun, despite the fact that it was 20 degrees and soooo windy outside!

Now my mom, Kels and I are heading to western Maryland to go to Deep Creek Lake with my cousin's family.  I won't be back until Sunday, but I'll take lots of pictures while I'm gone!

I hope everyone has a great 2009!